Qatari Talk at the Islamic Cultural Center

Last week I went to a talk put on at the Islamic Cultural Center.  It was for women only and the speaker was Qatari.  Right off the bat I knew it would be interesting because she came in the room and removed all the black coverings (robe, head, and face coverings).  Underneath she was wearing a loose fitting, brightly colored, floor length dress with ornate beading at the neck and long sleeves.  She wore her long black hair down with the sides pulled back in a clip.  She was very pretty.

The topic of the talk was an overview of Qatari life/culture.  Perfect for someone new to the country like me.  In the upcoming months, more in depth talks on each topic will occur.  I learned so many interesting facts about Qatari life that I wanted to share some with you who may be curious.

She began with how to pronounce Qatar.  Even here everyone seems to say it a little differently but for the most part it sounds like KUH-tar with the emphasis on the Kuh not the tar part.  Some Qataris pronounce it Guh-tar because that is more within their dialect but the arabic way is Kuh-tar.  I still struggle to say it correctly because the sounds don't come naturally out that way.  She then spoke about Qatari history.  I won't touch much on that except to say that they relied heavily on fishing and pearl diving before the discovery of oil and natural gas here.

The most fascinating part for me was her description of marriage and family life.  Most marriages are arranged and begin by a man aged 23-30 telling his mother he is ready to marry.  The mother then begins the search for a wife for her son.  Can you imagine if your mom got to pick your wife for you?  I wonder if Carol would have picked me for Bobby?  Hee Hee.  Most mothers look for wives at weddings so if you are a girl aged 18-25 in Qatar and want to marry, you should attend lots of weddings.  The son tells his mother what he wants in his wife as far as age, education level, job status, etc.  When a possible girl is chosen, the mother of the son asks the father of the girl if they are interested.  Then the girl's family does all kinds of research into the boy and his family.  They ask friends and family members of the boy about his personality, they go to the local mosque to see if he attends regularly, etc.  They are trying to determine if he is a good man for their daughter to marry.  If the boy passes the research part, the two fathers then begin setting up the marriage contract.  The actual marriage is not a wedding at all.  The fathers of the bride and groom and the bride and groom go to the courthouse and sign a marriage contract.  The bride has the right to say no at any time if she feels like she doesn't want to marry this man.  Although sometimes the bride and groom meet ahead of time to see what the other is like, in most cases, this will be the first time they have even met/seen each other.  Can you imagine what that would be like?  The exception to this is that often, the families intermarry between cousins and therefore the bride and groom know each other quite well.  The bride and groom don't actually live as a married couple until the wedding party which comes several weeks to months after the marriage contract is signed,  even though legally they are married during that planning period of time.

After the wedding party, the bride moves in with the son and his parents.  Typically, they will stay there until the next son in the family marries and then the first couple will move into their own home.  In some cases, where the houses are huge, the family may all stay together with each group getting their own wing of the home.  The woman giving the talk says the advantages to this are that you always have food prepared for you, cars to drive/drivers, housecleaners, and when you have children, the grandparents are right there to help babysit.  The downside is obvious, living full time with your in-laws/parents can be difficult.  And typically the youngest son and his wife/family remain in the family home forever.

Another interesting fact is they way they name their children.  The first boy born is named after the paternal grandfather and the first girl after the paternal grandmother.  (in most cases -- although you don't have to follow this custom).  This means that Bobby, Brian, and Tony would all name their first sons Michael (after Mike) and first daughters Carol.  Obviously that gets really confusing within one family so they also use the word bin (son of) or bint (daughter of) and then the father's name.  For example, Natalie would be named "Carol bint Robert" and Chase would be named "Michael bin Robert".  Michael would be named "Michael bin Tony".  The second sons and daughters are typically named after the maternal grandparents or close friends of the family.  On their passports the names go back 4 generations with the last name at the end.  So my name would be: Kelley bint Gary bin Cline bin Howard Hickman.  The women do not change their family name when they marry.

Several people asked why they dress the way they do.  The Qatari woman spoke mostly of cultural history regarding the white robes the men wear and their head scarves.  She said the women here wear black because it is less likely to attract attention than bright colors.  When asked why some muslim women only cover their hair, arms, and legs, yet others veil their entire face, she said that different scholars interpret the Koran differently.  The whole point of the covering is to not showcase your beauty to men other than your husband.  They do not wear the black robes and head/face scarves at home around their spouse, fathers, father - in - laws, brothers, uncles, and male cousins.  

I was intrigued by her and learned so much by going to the talk.  As I walked through the corridors of the Islamic Cultural Center, I realized that I didn't know anything about what muslims believe.  I could tell from my brief walkthrough that they believe in many of the same things we as Christians believe (especially the old testament), but also have many different beliefs as well.  I will have to come back there to look around when I have more time.